After me and Paul broke up, it put another divide in the friendship group. I was on my own!
I made friends with Michael, Sean, Jonny & Chris some of the guys on the other side of the estate, they were from my school too & seemed cool. They were skaters & hung out in M&S carpark, or Chris’ garage. We would all meet outside the little shop opposite school & decide what the plan was.
So many people used to go to M&S in the evenings, it was chilled & great, music would play, people would skate around doing all the flips & tricks.
A lot of the older people from school hung around there too, so I felt kinda safe. However a lot of them smoked weed. We would spend some of the evening in the car park, then walk up to Victoria Rec, were they would all smoke.
We stopped in an old car garage one evening on Medina Road, sat in a line under the cover for them to make their joints. I was sat minding my own, waiting for them to finish, then blue lights flickered on us & the police were there. PANIC! They all had drugs. The bags or tins they all had, got passed down the line to try hide the drugs… Who was at the end of the line? ME! I ended up with pockets full of weed! Tons!! Thankfully Brett, one of the older ones, spoke to the police. They were just wondering what a huge group of us were all doing out together after dark. He told them we were sheltering under the cover, waiting for the rain to stop. I was absolutely crapping my pants! If they had searched me, I would have been in SO much trouble!!
I eventually distanced my self from that lot, as I knew I would end up in trouble. I got back in contact with Nat. She was now hanging around with the Cowes high group and some others I knew from the drama classes I went to on a Sunday, Tim being one of them.
Tim’s parents were away one weekend, so he had a house party & had loads of drink. We left the house for a bit & we all went to Cowes skate park for a bit & took some drink with us. This was my first time drinking, at 14. I was drinking Vodka & got SO drunk. The whole night was such a blur, however I do remember passing out on Tim’s sofa bed.
The rest of the night is such a blur, but I very vividly remember waking up to someone pulling on my pyjamas. I realised I knew this person; it was one of our friends (who will remain unnamed) and he proceeded to rape me! Right there with our other friends in the room!! I was frozen stiff! Then passed out again… Why would a friend do this to me?
When the morning came, I got all my things together & headed for the bus home. It seemed to be the longest bus journey ever, I was running through everything in my head, and just wondering why & what should I do?!
I didn’t do anything & didn’t even tell anyone, apart from my sister Lou. I wrote her a letter as she lived in Essex. She received the letter, as she phoned Dad and told her I had been sleeping around, but completely ignored me & what I had told her! So, I didn’t bother telling anyone else. What was the point? It would just get ignored again!
That moment changed me & my attitude to men completely! I was a happy (ish) kid, apart from the hormonal issues of a 14-year-old, but I went inside myself. I look at pictures of myself from then & I hardly recognise the person!
It was now the Christmas holidays & I, like others went out and about, around town & hung out in the bus station & the square. I often saw Tim & unnamed guy; they went out of their way to torment me about what had happened. They were rotten. But still, I didn’t tell anyone!!
WHY didn’t I?? Things could have been so different! Unnamed man is now married with a kid & hiding a secret from them all!!
The next few months I spent drinking, smoking, getting into bother at school. Skipping school & just being a bit of a twat!
Until one day, I got an unexpected text from Stewart! Asking to meet!! My heart stopped!! A man! What do I do!!?
My life! 